Humor

Buying German food products for the “yuks”…

That’s right. “Yuks”. As in, laughing your ass off. I think we could all could use some more “yuks”, right?

Yesterday, while I was binge watching murder porn on Snapped, Bill came into our bedroom with a shelf stable container of oat milk. He likes to use animal free products sometimes because he’s a healthier person than I am on many levels. He said he bought the oat milk because of the label. Behold…

Bill and I have both noticed that while Germany has rules against “Beleidigung, that is, insulting people (especially people in authority like cops and politicians), they have no compunction about using English swear words in everyday language. For instance, one can be listening to an American pop song on the radio and if there are f bombs in it, you will hear them in all of their profane glory. Same thing with announcers on the radio, who regularly refer to “shitstorms”.

Personally, I’m alright with the profanity. I’m not a big believer in “bad words”, anyway. I really don’t think there is such a thing. Every word, in my opinion, is neutral. It’s the intent behind them that makes saying them good or bad. For instance, as a former English major at Longwood University, I took courses in African-American literature and Women’s literature. Both courses included slave narratives in which a certain taboo racist epithet was used repeatedly.

Was I offended? No, not really. That word was part of the lexicon at the time and the books would have lost their power without them. I was offended by the brutality of the way slaves were treated in those stories and the fact that their true stories are a shameful part of history. But the use of the n-word in those books is necessary. Same as it’s necessary in certain musical pieces, like Stevie Wonder’s “Living for the City”, and even in certain 70s and 80s era sitcoms, in which racism was a topic that was tackled. The word is used to convey the extent of the contempt and racism of those times. Taking it out would lessen the impact of the pieces.

Because of that– and because I love language and all its quirks– I don’t believe in “bad words”. I don’t think they should be used as weapons. I think people should be judicious in how they use their language. But I’m not a fan of “banning” any specific words… and, as we can see from the above label, even “bad” words can mean different things to different people. I know many Americans who would blush seven shades of red at simply reading that label. They sure as hell wouldn’t have bought the product! But my husband bought it because of the words “fucking” and “bullshit”. He knew that I would get a big kick out of them.

The words “fucking” and “bullshit” don’t have the same impact in Germany as they do in America, just like the words “cunt” and “fag” don’t mean the same to Brits as they do to us Yanks. Hell, until very recently, there was an old village in Austria called Fucking. I should know, because Bill and I visited. We also visited Fuckersberg, Austria, because we’re nerds like that. Fucking recently changed its name after hundreds of years of being known as “Fucking”. Why? Because Americans kept stealing their road signs and doing things like having sex under the the signs. What a shame. Typical Americans ruining things for everybody.

Sigh… I really miss traveling. I look forward to the day when I can write a post on my travel blog that is actually about travel. But, for now, I will continue to get a big kick out of “fucking good Oatmilk” that makes “sexy Milchkaffee”. Except I don’t think I could bring myself to try oat milk… so maybe not. Bill is calling me to breakfast, so off I pop. Have a great Valentine’s Day!

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Uncategorized

Farm Fresh Too…

A couple of months ago, when we tried and failed to adopt a dog, I joined a bunch of local Facebook groups. My purpose for joining was to spread the word about the dog we tried to adopt who escaped from his pet transport taxi driver and later got hit and killed by a car on the Autobahn. Well… now we’re waiting on another dog to join our family in a few months, but I’m still a member of the groups I joined when we were frantically trying to recover the one who got away.

As a fortunate consequence of joining the local Facebook groups, I’m starting to learn about stuff in the area that I never knew about. One place that came on my radar is the Birkenhof Hofheim, which is a farm that offers fresh produce as well as a 24/7 refrigerator where one can purchase fresh food. Germany is wonderful about making fresh food available at relatively affordable prices. Although there don’t seem to be quite as many farms up here near Frankfurt as there were near Stuttgart, they do exist if you look.

Our last home, in Jettingen in Baden-Württemberg, was near several farms. I wrote about our first experience shopping at the farms a few years ago. Up here in Breckenheim, we’re not as close to so many farms, since it’s a more industrialized area. Still, at this time of year– smack dab in the middle of “Spargel (asparagus) season”, there are plenty of stands selling strawberries, blueberries, and all sorts of other delicious produce.

Thanks to the pandemic, the Birkenhof Hofheim isn’t fully open until May 29th. Under normal circumstances, the farm offers fresh delights that can be served at a table. They also have fun activities for kids. When the farm opens up again, special rules will have to be followed– masks worn when using the toilet and everyone has to provide contact information in case someone gets sick and you have to be notified. After three or four weeks, they discard the information.

I was happy enough to get out for a little while today and get some photos… as well as some farm fresh treats for our table at home. They had everything from corn cobs and charcoal for your grill to milk, flour, and eggs. There was paper and a pen for tallying up the cost of your goods, all of which were clearly priced. They had bags for packing your stuff, and a money box for you to put your cash. The whole thing is secured by cameras, so don’t think of taking anything without paying. We bought about 21 euros worth of stuff.

This trip was also handy because it turns out the farm is very close to the Tierklinik Hofheim, which our former vet in Herrenberg (near Stuttgart) says is one of the best veterinary hospitals in Germany. When Zane was having his first issues with mast cell cancer, the vet down there was telling me about this clinic and how she could refer us there if need be. I remember looking it up and thinking it was so far away. Little did I know, we’d eventually be living about twenty minutes away. So now I kind of know where it is, in case I have to take Arran or our next dog there sometime.

It was nice to get out of the house… only the third time since March! I’m getting braver. We’ll definitely be back to the Birkenhof Hofheim for more fresh treats soon! I love visiting the farms and am glad to find one up here near Frankfurt, the only German city with lots of skyscrapers.

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Uncategorized

Swarming with insect protein…

Bill went to the store earlier to get some provisions for the weekend. While he was there, he noticed an interesting product for sale– protein bars made of insect protein. He said, “I think I have a potential blog post for you.” as he held up what turned out to be two protein bars made by a Cologne based company called Swarm. What made them so special? They’re made of crickets… (do I hear crickets now? Shocking!)

Swarm bars come in three flavors: Raw Cocoa, Red Berries, and Chia Hazelnut. Bill brought home one each of the Red Berry and Raw Cocoa bars. He’s already tasted the Raw Cocoa bar and says it’s kind of crunchy… which somehow doesn’t surprise me.

Why would a person want to eat a protein bar made of crickets? Because insects are nutritious. They are a great alternative source of protein, since they contain all essential amino acids and many important micronutrients like vitamin B12, zinc and iron.

It’s also more environmentally friendly to use insects as a protein source, and Germans are famously environmentally conscious. It’s illegal to kill bees here, for instance, and you won’t find a lot of pesticides for sale. Although there are plenty of farms and lots of natural fertilizers used in Germany (and believe me, the nose knows this, especially in rural areas), Swarm Bars are made from crickets from Thailand, among other natural ingredients. The crickets use fewer resources to process than more traditional protein sources from animals need. Compared to cattle, crickets only need 8% of the feed, 2% of the water, and they produce almost no greenhouse gases.

Swarm is a very new product, as in it’s only been available to the public for a very short time. Reading the company’s “About Us” page, translated by Google Chrome, I learned that in 2015, company founders Christopher Zeppenfeld and Timo Bäcker went to Thailand to eat insects. They had the goal of introducing them to the Western diet. The two guys bought a couple of motorcycles and traveled around Southeast Asia, tasting as many edible insects as they could. They had become accustomed to eating insects and realized they could turn their new interest into a business… if they could get Europeans and probably eventually Americans to take to the idea of eating bugs.

Christopher and Timo came back to Germany, teamed up with an expert in sports and nutrition named Dani, and started working on developing their protein bars made with Thai crickets. They launched a crowdfunding project and got cooperation from the University of Cologne, and voila, a new product was born! Here’s a review in German by some people who had the chance to try Swarm before it was made available at our local and newly remodeled Rewe.

I must admit that I didn’t try the bars, which are made with cricket flour, oatmeal, linseed flour, dates raisins, agave syrup, pear juice concentrate, and honey. I watched Bill eat half of one. He enjoyed it, although he only ate half because he didn’t know if maybe he’d be allergic to crickets. I think it’s safe to say that Bill can safely eat and even enjoy products made from cricket flour.

Here are some photos from his taste test… he definitely enjoyed himself.

Will I try a Swarm Bar? Maybe if I have enough German courage. Actually, I don’t really enjoy protein bars much, even if they aren’t made of crickets. I’d rather eat chocolate, and unfortunately, it shows. Here’s the link to Swarm’s Facebook page if you want to know more.

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Humor

Enjoying some extra dick last night…

Found these at the grocery store…  “extra dick” pommes.

 

Once you’ve been in Germany for awhile, you start picking up German words.  In German, the word “dick” means thick.  One might refer to “extra dick” meaning something is extra thick.  Or one could describe a person as being “dick”, but actually mean they are stout or hefty.  I’m sure German people describe me as “dick”, although thankfully I am not attuned enough to what Germans say to get my feelings hurt.

In English, the word “dick” means something other than “thick”.  Although a lot of older men were called Dick back in the day and some people wear “dickies” under their shirts, nowadays English speaking people tend to use that word for its more “slangy” definition that refers to a certain private part of the male anatomy.  And so, when English speakers see something described as “extra dick”, it gets us excited.  Especially when our spouses have been gone for over two weeks.

Bill came home last night, a few days early from his latest TDY.  I was very happy to see him, and we enjoyed steaks he bought on the way in.  He was going to cook potatoes, but the ones we had were not in very good condition.  I remembered I had these “pommes” in the freezer.  Pommes is another German/European word you will learn here, whether you want to or not.  They’re in all the restaurants, especially the Greek and German ones.

I hadn’t noticed the label when I bought these the other day, but then I saw they were “extra dick”.  I enjoy “extra dick”, especially in my potatoes and my men.  I shared this picture and many of my American friends got a kick out of it.  Yes, I know it’s inappropriate and not very ladylike, but we have to take our laughs where we can find them, right?

I don’t know what Bill and I will do today.  We have had such beautiful weather the past few days, but it changed last night and is now kind of cold and cloudy again.  I’m sure Bill will want to get used to being awake during the day again.  He worked overnights the whole time he was gone.  I’m just grateful to share my life with someone that I still miss very much when he’s gone… even after sixteen years of marriage.  It’s so good to have him home.

Meanwhile, I’ll be looking for our next cruise.

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German lifestyle

An insider’s guide to German grocery stores…

I’ve had the idea to write this post for… I don’t know… three years, maybe?  I actually remember when I got this idea.  I was in the city of Calw and Bill and I were at a Kaufland.  I started thinking of all the grocery stores on the economy where a non-German might find themselves shopping.  I thought to myself, “It might be useful to have a guide to some of these stores…”  But at that time, I didn’t have quite enough experience to write the post and it got pushed to the back burner as I toured beer spas and wrote restaurant reviews.

In about 24 days, Bill and I will be moving to Wiesbaden.  It will technically be our third German tour together, and his fourth in total (he was in Bavaria in the 80s, when he was a young lieutenant).  I’ve seen a lot of German grocery stores now.  Since today I was too lazy to do anything (because November is going to be a very hectic month), I’ve decided that today’s post will be about grocery stores, at least here in the Stuttgart area.

Here’s my usual disclaimer.  This post is more or less meant for newcomers.  It will consist of basic information, and does not represent all of the stores where you could be shopping.  I am posting this with the hope that readers will use German supermarkets over the commissary.  You will find that the food quality is mostly better and the cost of food is generally less expensive.  We do use the commissary for convenience and when we want items that are strictly American.  When we lived in Germany the first time, I will admit that we used the commissary more than we did our awesome local supermarket.  This time, we shop a lot more on the economy and are better off for it.

First thing’s first.  Grocery shopping in Germany is somewhat different than it is in the United States. When you shop at a German market, you either need to bring your own bags or buy bags at the store. Bill and I use RedOxx market tote bags.  I like the RedOxx bags because they are very sturdy, made in the USA (Montana, to be exact), have a lifetime guarantee, and the business is owned by a veteran.  They also sell their bags in a dozen pretty colors and will ship to APO.  We also have a bunch of their other bags, too.  Bill likes them because their design is very military and they are extremely well made.

Of course, you don’t need to use fancy bags.  The cheap, reusable bags you can get at the commissary will also do the trick quite nicely.  You will also have to do your own bagging, so after your stuff is rung up, prepare to pack your stuff.  If you do need to buy a bag, the German word is “Tüte” (tooti).

Grocery stores in Germany don’t sell medications.  If you want to buy over-the-counter drugs, you will need to visit an Apotheke (drug store).  You will often, but not always, find Apothekes near grocery stores.

In German grocery stores, you can find things like shampoo, soap, toilet paper, and detergents.  In some stores you can also find housewares, electronics, clothing, toys, and in many places, you can buy booze.  Germany also has “drink markets”, which sell all kinds of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages, as well as a limited array of shelf stable groceries and other goods.

When you buy produce, in some stores you may have to weigh it and get a price tag sticker, which you’ll put on your produce so it can be scanned.  The commissary has a similar system, so you’ll get used to it quickly.

Grocery stores in Germany are mostly closed on Sundays, with a few exceptions.  In the Stuttgart area, the Edeka supermarket at the airport is open on Sunday.  Although dogs are welcome in a lot of places, including restaurants, you can’t bring your dog to the grocery store.  And, at many stores, you will need to use a euro coin to get a cart from the cart corral.  They are chained together.  When you return your cart to its proper place, you get your euro back.  If you have ever shopped at Aldi in the United States, you know of what I write.

Many grocery stores have areas where you can drop off your empty bottles.  If your store has a drink market, you can bring back the plastic bottles and crates of glass bottles (say, a case of beer), feed them into the handy machine, and it will spit out a receipt, which you can present to the cashier and get money off your order.  Speaking of cashiers… do not be surprised, especially here in Swabia, if the person ahead of you counts out exact change, even if it holds you up.  More than once, Bill and I have been behind someone who pays for groceries with a lot of coins.  Remember that in Germany, some coins are worth more than two dollars!  Be patient.  Others will be patient for you.  Also, some stores have shopper’s cards you can collect stamps on and redeem.  Frankly, I never bother with them, but some people do.  Don’t be surprised if the cashier asks you if you want one.

Also, a lot of stores will have restaurants or snack bars within them.  In fact, even some hardware stores have food available.  Our local Toom (hardware big box store) has a snackbar, of all things.  Shopping in Germany is very civilized.  Many stores also have restrooms and most don’t have a Klofrau looking for change, although that’s not always the case.

You might even find a CoinStar at your local store.  Our Real now has a CoinStar, which I think appeared somewhat recently.  After you’ve been here awhile and have collected a huge trove of coins, you’ll see how awesome that is!  My husband’s first boss dumped his collection of coins on Bill and his co-workers before he left, with the direction that they should all go out to dinner.  Someone took the time to count the coins and it added up to over 800 euros.  Bill and his former co-workers had dinner, including family members, and only spent 500 euros!  There’s still 300 euros left to use!  You will collect a lot of coins while you’re here!

Okay… now here’s a very brief guide.

General grocery stores– hypermarkets

Edeka–  I’ll start with Edeka, which is a very well-known German grocery store chain.  Many towns have an Edeka, and they are pretty much my favorite of all the usual German grocery chains.  It’s kind of a posh market, very clean, with really nice lighting and high quality products.  As of 2017, Edeka is Germany’s largest grocery store chain and holds a market share of 20.3%.  Chances are, your town has an Edeka.  If it doesn’t, chances are the next town has one.  We live in Unterjettingen and there is no Edeka in our town, but there are in Herrenberg and Nagold, both of which are less than a few miles away.  Frankly, of all of the grocery stores in Germany, Edeka is my pick.  It has everything I love about a grocery store.

Real in Jettingen.

Real– Jettingen does have a Real, which is a “hypermarket”.  Real is basically Germany’s version of Walmart.  Indeed, Real stores were originally Walmarts before Walmart was driven out of Germany.  I don’t know for certain, but I think Walmart didn’t survive here because Walmart is famously anti-union and Germans weren’t down with that.  Anyway, Real operates a number of stores in Germany and they’re a lot like Walmart, minus over the counter drugs.  You can find almost anything there, but I hate going in there because it’s usually very crowded and hectic and I experience sensory overload with every visit.  Still, lots of people love their Real, and I will admit we shop there often.  Parking at our Jettingen store is free, which is more than I can say for the Edeka in either Nagold or Herrenberg (but some Edekas do have free parking).

Kaufland– Germany’s fourth largest grocery store chain is Kaufland, which was founded in Germany back in 1984.  Kaufland now operates almost 1,300 stores in seven countries across Europe.  It reminds me a lot of Real, only with a slightly more upscale look and nicer lighting.  You will find groceries there, but you can also find housewares, electronics, and clothing.  Many locations also have drink markets.

REWE– REWE is a Cologne based grocery store chain with locations around Germany.  To be honest, I haven’t spent a lot of time shopping at REWE, but our new home has one very nearby.  There are also several locations in the Stuttgart area.  The last REWE I visited was in Wiesbaden and it reminded me a bit of Edeka, only with harsher lighting.

The actual experience of shopping at any of these grocery stores is very similar.  You typically enter through a “gate” and you have to pass through a cashier stand to exit, even if you don’t buy anything.

Discount grocery stores–

Aldi– A lot of Americans know about Aldi, because Aldi is slowly infiltrating U.S. culture.  If you’ve shopped at an American Aldi, you are probably already familiar with having to use a quarter to get a cart.  You also know that this store is no frills and has low prices.  Our town has an Aldi, but I don’t go in there very often.  It has basic stuff– frozen foods, bakery items, some beverages, ice cream, and some non food items.  It’s the kind of place you go when you need to pick up a few items.  Actually, according to Wikipedia, Aldi is Germany’s largest wine retailer.  Who knew?

Lidl– Lidl is another discount store that is slowly gaining a footprint in the American market.  Like Aldi, Lidl is very no frills, but it does have an interesting line of “American” products, which I blogged about last year.  I wouldn’t necessarily recommend the Lidl versions of American products unless you need a laugh.  However, given a choice between Aldi and Lidl, I think I’d choose Lidl, mainly because the stores seem newer and cleaner to me.

A city version of Netto.

Netto– Another discount market.  Every Netto I’ve been in has been small and no frills, with an emphasis on frozen foods, a small array of beverages, and bakery products.

Penny Markt– Again, no frills supermarket.  Emphasis on frozen food, candy, ice cream, and low prices.

Specialty markets–

Denn’s Biomarkt…

Denn’s Biomarkt– This is a national chain that specializes in “bio” (organic) products.  The Denn’s chain is represented in several local communities, including Sindelfingen, Nagold, Ludwigsburg, Stuttgart, and Vaihingen.   You can find bio fruits, vegetables, wines, and cheeses, as well as other natural products.

The Nagold Mix Markt.

Mix-Markt– This is a European market that offers products from Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union.  It was founded in Germany, but there are now stores all over Europe.  It’s a great place to shop for exotic wines from countries like Georgia and Moldova, both excellent wine producing countries.  Also, if you like Russian products, you can find them there.

“Feinkost” is another term with which you should familiarize yourself.  A Feinkost is translated as “delicatessen”, but in my experience, Feinkosts also offer upmarket products.  One well-known Feinkost in Stuttgart is Feinkost Böhm, which is a super fancy and expensive market downtown.  It’s fun to shop there for special occasions and to see how much they’re selling Pepperidge Farm cookies for.  Stuttgart also has the Markthalle, which has a lot of ethnic markets, meats, cheeses, produce, and desserts.  Your town might also have a Feinkost, but it may or may not be as fancy as the one in Stuttgart.

Your local town may have its own specialty markets.  You may find Turkish, Asian, Italian, Spanish, or even Portuguese specialty markets, depending on where you live.  Keep your eyes peeled, because you can find some great stuff in the little ethnic markets.

Also, many towns have produce markets that happen several mornings a week and/or on Saturday mornings.  You can also buy specialty meats at Metzgereis (butchers) and baked goods at Backereis (bakeries).  Some local areas also have farms where you can buy fresh produce, eggs, and fresh milk.  See my post “Farm Fresh” for more information about buying fresh food at farms– it’s frequently done on the honor system.  You will also find vending machines that sell things like eggs, milk, noodles, and lentils, among other things.  My “Farm Fresh” post has a video showing how to get fresh milk (which should be pasteurized at home) and pictures of the vending machines you might find in your neighborhood.

Generally speaking, I find grocery shopping in Germany to be a pleasure.  There’s always something to see and German stores offer a lot of good products, some of which will be familiar to you and others you may come to love and will miss when you’re back in the USA.  Some stores are more pleasant for me than others.  Some people love the local Real, but give me an Edeka any day.  I suspect I’ll soon be very familiar with REWE, since I know my new neighborhood has one.  Once you’ve been here awhile, you’ll be able to find a store to your liking.  If you like very fresh food, I highly recommend shopping on the economy as opposed to at the commissary.  Hope this post is helpful for a few folks!

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Health

Holistic healthcare for your pets in Germany…

Every once in awhile, I write about things I see when I walk my dogs.  Bill and I happen to live right next to a large nature park.  It’s a great area to live in if you have dogs.  There are a lot of dog owners in our town and they’re pretty friendly and helpful.  Case in point, about a month ago, my dog Arran escaped from our house and several locals were instrumental in helping us bring him back to safety.

Lately, I’ve noticed a woman parking a car advertising holistic medicine for pets.  I don’t know her and have never talked to her, but I see her and her son walking their Maltese dogs several times a week.  She drives a SUV with decals on it advertising her services as a naturopath.  I’m actually kind of interested in what she does, since I have been exploring natural approaches to veterinary care with my dogs, Zane and Arran.  Both of my dogs have had mast cell tumors since we’ve been in Germany.

I already belong to a great Facebook group that offers advice for natural approaches toward caring for dogs with mast cell tumors.  In that group, there’s information about how to feed dogs with mast cell cancer, hot to use CBD oil and other essential oils for healing tumors and lesions caused by the cancer, and nutritional advice for overall wellness.

To be honest, I’m not as much into “woo” as some people are.  I do think natural approaches can be helpful and are often not harmful.  I can personally attest to how much CBD oil has helped Zane and Arran, but I also give them Benadryl to discourage the histamine release that can cause tumors to develop.  I give Zane Tagamet or Pepcid to help him with the upset stomach he gets sometimes and also to help discourage new tumor growth.  It’s been over a year now and this approach seems to be working well for both of them.

Still, I wonder if there’s more I could be doing.  That’s why I took notice of the SUV advertising holistic services for pets.  The other day, I looked up the woman on Facebook.  Her name is Sylvia Fiedler, and according to her official Web site, we were born at around the same time in 1972.  She charges 60 euros an hour in cash for her services.  It appears that she comes to your home, although I see she’s located in Oberjettingen, which is just up the road from where Bill and I live.

It appears that most of Fiedler’s training is very recent, although she started in the field in the late 80s.  I can relate, since my very first job was working for a veterinarian, too.  I quickly determined that as much as I like animals, I didn’t want to work in the veterinary field.  However, my dogs have pretty much demanded that I learn more about how to take care of them.  Our local vets have been surprised by what I know.  One of them thought I was a nurse, but actually, I have a master’s degree in public health and used to work as a technical writer for a public health agency.  I think that’s why I know more than the average person about some of this stuff.

Anyway, it looks like Fielder’s practice centers around feeding a raw diet, laser therapy, acupuncture and acupressure, Bach flowers, and even leeches.  I’m not sure if I’ll ever be calling her… although it may get to a point at which I might decide to give homeopathy a whirl.  Some people do swear by it and it’s kind of cool to know that it’s available in my current “hometown”.  It’s also kind of cool to know that the lady who offers it walks the same routes I do with Zane and Arran.

I’m mainly just writing this post because I know I have some local dog lovers/owners who read my blog.  Perhaps some of them are looking for a naturopath/holistic practitioner for their dogs.  Hopefully, this information might be helpful.

Jettingen is a great place for dog owners… not just because there are so many trails, but also because we have a resident naturopath.

 

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