This will be a short post, because frankly, I don’t have much to write about these days. Germany has been in some form of lockdown since early November 2020. Officials keep saying the lockdown will end in a couple of weeks, but as the date draws closer, they extend it. At this point, the lockdown could go on into mid June, and will likely include curfews that will make it illegal for people to be outside of their homes between 9:00pm and 5:00am unless it’s for work, medical reasons, or taking care of animals. It’s all because of the coronavirus, which has continued to infect and kill people. Meanwhile, Germany has few vaccines for its people, and Angela Merkel keeps pleading for lockdowns, which don’t seem to be doing anything.

Bill told me that we would be vaccinated by the end of May, but the vaccine he was told we were getting is the Johnson & Johnson one, which the CDC has just recommended pausing, thanks to six women getting rare clotting disorders. Meanwhile, Bill still travels for work. He’s gone this week and will be gone for most of May, and his office is short-staffed, so he’s also working long hours. I’m feeling bored, lonely, hopeless, and pissed off.

Yesterday, I caught myself fantasizing about just fucking leaving. I mean leaving… right now, by myself, and just going somewhere else. But this fucking virus is everywhere. Pardon my language, but this is how I feel.

I am a resilient person, and I have survived worse, I guess, than endless isolation. At least we’re comfortable enough. I’ve been investing in some things to make the yard nicer, since it looks like we’re going to spend another summer sitting in it in seclusion. I’ve been watching too much true crime TV and reading a lot of books. And I fantasize about when I can travel again and take more pictures.

It feels like it will never happen.

I’m just glad we got to be here for several years before this global nightmare started. I feel sorry for the people who got here last year and have already spent their first year here in lockdown.

Good thing I’m not close to my family anymore. Grateful I have my dogs. Noyzi is getting more comfortable, and Arran remains his feisty, cranky self.