cultural oddities | The Traveling Overeducated Housewife

In this case, you can judge the book by its cover.

I love to read books about other cultures, especially when they are about countries where I have lived. Although Bill and I have spent years in Germany (and Bill has spent more years here than I have), there are still a lot of things I don’t know about German culture. One thing I learned when we lived here the first time is that German men usually sit down when they pee.

I initially learned about German men’s toilet habits by frequenting Toytown Germany, a forum for English speakers that predates any of the Facebook groups in our area. Suddenly, the little sign in our bathroom, probably posted by our old landlord’s ex wife, made perfect sense. I was so tickled about this phenomenon that I decided to write about it on my main blog.

Now it makes sense!

When I spotted a book on Amazon called German Men Sit Down To Pee And Other Insights Into German Culture, I knew I had to read it. This little book, available in printed and online versions, was published in 2015 and written by Niklas Frank and James Cave. Niklas Frank is from Germany, although he’s lived in Sweden and China. Frank noticed his friends and colleagues were amused by his quirky “Germanness” and decided to take notes, which later served as the basis of this book. James Cave is Irish and a writer. He has lived in Germany, France, Spain, the United Kingdom, and Portugal. Cave does not follow all of the German rules, but as an “Auslander“, was no doubt in a unique position to help Frank decide what to include in their book.

German Men Sit Down to Pee is a delightfully fun and quick read. It’s full of information about many of the mysteries of living in Germany. Not only is there discussion about German men sitting down to pee; there are also explanations and anecdotes about other German customs that may seem obscure to people who aren’t German. For instance, did you know that if it’s your birthday in Germany, you’re supposed to bring a cake to work for your colleagues to enjoy? And if you go out for drinks, you’re supposed to pay the check?

Anyone who spends any time in Germany will quickly notice that Germans like to follow the rules. That means you don’t walk until you see the green man at the crosswalk. You don’t make noise or expect to go grocery shopping in German supermarkets on Sundays. You don’t drink Kolsch in Düsseldorf or Altbier in Cologne (or vice versa). However, if you want to get naked in a park, especially in Munich or Berlin, you’re more than welcome to. Germans dig nudity.

Germans are often wrongly described as “humorless”, but this book helps dispel that rumor. I wouldn’t say Germans are humorless. They just enjoy a different kind of humor. For instance, as I read this book, I learned that German parents can and will hire a guy to play Krampus at Christmas if their kids have been naughty. For about 50 euros, a guy will dress up as a Christmas themed satan, show up at the children’s houses, and put the fear of God in them! I had heard of Krampus in a vague sense. I thought it was more of an Austrian thing to do, but no… apparently German parents are not above using Krampus to get their kids to behave. Too funny!

The authors include discussions and rationales behind a number of different German idiosyncrasies. For instance, cash is still a very popular way to pay for things in Germany. Germans are often frugal and prefer not to spend money they don’t have. Always paying cash makes that habit easier to maintain, even if it’s a pain for non-Germans.

I really enjoyed the lighthearted tone of this book. I think Cave and Frank make a good team. I could sort of tell Cave was the one who made the book flow, since it has sort of an Irish feel to it– lots of wit and humor. And Frank no doubt provided all of the context and oddities that Cave would have missed, since he’s not from Germany. There are also a lot of funny little comics included.

I wish I could have read this book before we moved here the first time; however, I must admit that reading about German men sitting to pee on an Internet forum was an entertaining way to blow an afternoon back in 2008. I would recommend this book to anyone who is going to be living in Germany or even just planning a visit. It’s well-written and accurate and would probably make for a fun family discussion… and, who knows? Maybe you might even want to adopt some German idiosyncratic habits yourself. I know Bill and I are now a lot more conscious about waiting for the green man when we want to cross the street. That’s a habit that will probably never go away, even years after we’ve left here.

I give German Men Sit Down to Pee a solid 4.5 stars out of five. Not only is it an enjoyable book, it’s also a bargain at just $4.50 if you download it.

Buy German Men Sit Down to Pee on Amazon.com.

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Today, we decided to go to Esslingen. Bill and I went there around Christmas last year and thought it was cute. I had been wanting to go back, but it’s not close to where we live and traffic can be a major bitch. I thought my mom would enjoy it, since it really is a nice little town.

We got a bit of a late start. It was almost one o’clock when we left the house and we knew that a lot of places that serve lunch would be closing at two. Because of that, we decided to eat at Brauhaus Schoenbuch in Boeblingen. I’ve been there a few times, so I was a little disappointed to be eating lunch there today. I always like to go to places I haven’t been so I can post a review of the food and service. But the Brauhaus was convenient, since there’s plenty of free parking. I knew we wouldn’t have to worry about getting there too late for lunch.

It was a bit cloudy and looked like it might rain. Even if it didn’t rain, my mom, Bill, and I are very light skinned people and have a tendency to get sunburns. I had forgotten sunscreen. We decided to eat inside instead of out in the Biergarten.

My mom got a bit hot as she enjoyed the lasagne that was being offered during lunch (it was delicious, by the way). She was fanning herself when an older German lady approached Bill and actually touched him on the face as she told him in German that it was too hot for my mother to be sitting in the dining room (even though she and her husband were sitting at the table behind us). At first, I didn’t quite understand what she was saying because, besides not speaking or understanding German very well, I could barely hear her. But then it became clearer, especially when I saw the unmistakable look of disdain on her face.

My mom and I laughed about it, especially when the woman kindly told my mom how cute her bedazzled t-shirt was. Bill acted like he didn’t understand her, though he eventually did. Then I turned around and noticed her scowling disapprovingly at Bill and me. It kind of pissed me off, mainly because my mom’s comfort level was none of her goddamned business. My mom would have been hot regardless of where we sat, and she is certainly no invalid. She can tell us where she wants to sit and would have had no issue doing just that. I was also irritated because Bill is one of the kindest, most attentive men I know, and it doesn’t sit well with me when some woman who doesn’t know him presumes to publicly chastise him, especially in front of his wife and mother-in-law.

It may be a common thing among Germans for perfect strangers to publicly correct other adults, but this American thought it was very rude and strange behavior. I usually try to go with the flow when I am abroad, but I can’t help being an American. There are some things about living here that I may never get used to. All I have to say is, that woman is probably very lucky I didn’t understand her that clearly when she was speaking to him and that I can’t speak German worth a damn. She may have very well have gotten a talking to from yours truly. But then, I’m not necessarily known for being polite myself. The first time we took a cruise, we left out of Norway. I yelled at some elderly Norwegian women when they almost knocked me over trying to get on the ship. It’s probably a good thing I don’t practice social work.

Rathaus

A pretty view of the main platz…

Mom said this looked a bit crowded…

Anyway, after lunch, during which we all ate too much, we got in the car and headed for Esslingen. We didn’t stay too long… just long enough to walk a ways through the town, near the rathaus and cathedral, and past the Kessler Sekt store. As we walked over a bridge over the Neckar River, my mom said “Okay! Let’s find some coffee or ice cream or something.” She was tired and wanted to sit for a bit. So we ended up at Sommer, a restaurant/cafe/bar in a park in the heart of Esslingen.

Bill enjoys a cool drink, outside where it’s cooler.

We sat down and watched kids play with the drinking fountain near the cafe. Bill commented on the kids, male and female, running around with few to no clothes on. In the United States, this would be considered weird among many people. There, people think there are pedophiles lurking on every street corner. Here, it’s just very normal. I think it’s refreshing that children’s innocence is preserved and celebrated here. The kids were having a lot of normal kid style summer fun and no one thought anything of it.

Mom ended up ordering a macchiato, which was too hot for her. She didn’t want a schorle, iced tea, or a beer. She also wanted to dump some of her euro coins, since they were too heavy for her to lug around. She noticed a elderly gentleman sitting in a wheelchair, seemingly out of sorts, and said that had my father lived much longer, he probably would have been in a similar state.

After we finished our drinks, she was ready to go home. It was just as well, since it was about 5:00 and traffic was starting to back up. On the way out of Esslingen, we stopped at the Kessler store and picked up some Sekt. I managed to hear some strains of the organ from the cathedral. My mom was a church organist for over fifty years, so she listened, too. Then, as we got on the road and Bill missed the exit for the A8, I used my super sensitive human compass skills to get us there after a short detour. Who needs a GPS? Not me.