A couple of months ago, I got an email from the founder of the Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) messageboard, Eric K. I was surprised to hear from him, since although I had frequented that board for over 20 years, we had never really had many exchanges on his Web site. One thing we do have in common is music. Eric plays woodwinds in a number of bands.

Eric’s email was to inform me that he and his wife, Kathy, were coming to Germany for three weeks. He wanted to know if Bill and I would like to meet up with them for dinner. During their trip, they were going to be visiting Mainz and Frankfurt, two cities near where we live. The funny thing is, I haven’t been hanging out much on the RfM board much lately. Neither has Eric, since he handed over control of RfM to a trusted associate a few years ago.

I always experience a little bit of anxiety when it comes to meeting new people. I have the kind of personality that people seem to love or hate. Bill is much better at making neutral first impressions than I am. Nevertheless, I owe RfM a great debt, because that Web site helped me understand the religion Bill joined with his ex wife back in 1997. Bill ultimately resigned from the LDS church in 2006, four years after we married.

I grew up Presbyterian, a very mainstream Calvinist church, often populated by people of Scottish or Scots-Irish descent (that’s definitely me). When I met Bill, I knew next to nothing about the LDS church… and I didn’t understand why he was a bit panicked when he found out that I had talked to LDS missionaries one day when he was at work, back in 2002. Bill was a member of the church, but it was because of his ex wife’s influence. I didn’t know it then, but he was on his way out of Mormonism, and had started to think of it as a cult. So when I talked to the missionaries, he was afraid they would try to get him back to church.

The RfM board was a place where we could share our story and connect with people who were in a similar situation. It was a place to read about some of the significant issues people face when they leave highly controlling/restrictive religions. It was also a great place for finding music, books, and even some new online friends. We decided that we wanted to meet the man who created that online community in November 1995, which is still going almost thirty years later.

Bill and I met Eric and Kathy last night after a couple of days of trading emails trying to come up with plans. Unbeknownst to us, yesterday there was a huge gay pride celebration in Frankfurt. It happened to be going on right by where Eric and Kathy were staying. Originally, we were going to visit them today, but the restaurant they wanted to go to is closed today. So we decided to brave the pandemonium of the gay pride celebration. I’m really glad we did that, because not only was the restaurant a winner, but it was really cool to be walking around the gay pride party with three ex Mormons.

We met Eric and Kathy at their hotel at 4:30 PM, had a drink in the hotel’s tapas bar as we introduced ourselves. Then we went to Quattro, a really nice Italian restaurant next to their hotel. Eric said they’d gone to that restaurant a couple of nights earlier and enjoyed the food and service very much. After our dinner last night, Bill and I can echo their positive sentiments about Quattro. It has a small indoor dining room, but there’s also a very cool outdoor terrace with what appeared to be a retractible roof. We had 5:00 reservations, so it wasn’t that busy when we arrived, but by the time we left, it was packed with gay pride revelers!

Below are some photos of the food we enjoyed at Quattro. Bill and I shared a dorade fish– which was one of their specials. We also ordered an antipasto platter for two, which we all shared. It was a good call to get the antipasto for two, and share it among the four of us. More would have been too much! And of course, there was dessert!

The antipasto had burrata, octopus, squid, vitello tonnato, scampi, Parma ham with cantaloupe, beef carpaccio, and smoked salmon. Eric and Kathy each had pasta dishes– spaghetti for him, and ravioli for her. Our dorade came with broccoli and a boiled potato. We had two bottles of white wine and sparkling water– I loved that they were water compatible with us, too! A lot of Americans prefer still water.

For dessert, Bill had lemon sorbet. I had panna cotta with a berry compote. Eric and Kathy shared a chocolate souffle with ice cream. I think the total bill for the four of us was about 300 euros, which the men split.

What I really enjoyed about last night’s dinner, aside from the food and ambiance, was the natural and free flowing conversation. We weren’t awkward at all! It turned out that we had a lot of similar views about the topics that tend to divide people– religion and politics. Eric and Kathy have two adult children, and their son is a veteran. Their daughter has made them grandparents. Eric, Kathy, and Bill are all LDS converts. I have never been LDS, but I did serve in the Peace Corps. Eric did a Mormon mission in Finland. And Bill has a daughter who has made him a grandfather four times over, so they were able to talk about the grandchildren and share pictures.

After dinner, we walked around the gay pride festival. I took a bunch of photos. We could have probably spent a little more time walking around the festival, but it was very crowded and a bit warm. Also, we were clearly not with the crowd, because we were dressed very conservatively! Still, how cool is it that three ex Mormons were getting to know each other at a gay pride event? There was a time when the three of them would never have gone to that event because of the religion.

Bill’s daughter is still LDS, but according to her, the church is getting somewhat more liberal these days. They’ve lessened some of the time commitments required of members, and softened some of their stances on certain issues. Still, I can’t imagine that a lot of active church members would have wanted to mingle at a gay pride festival, where there were all kinds of crazy get ups, lots of smoking and drinking, and people wearing t-shirts with foul language on them. I could easily worn my new t-shirt that says “Fuck off!” on it. No one would have batted an eye!

After we walked around the gay pride event, we went back to the hotel lobby and chatted a bit more. We learned about how risky and scary it was to leave the LDS church, particularly at a time when widespread use of the Internet was still in its infancy. It occurred to me that there’s good to be found in almost every situation. I mean, if it weren’t for Bill’s ex wife demanding that they convert to the LDS church, I probably never would have met Eric and Kathy. I never would have had a reason to hang out on RfM.

It’s possible that I would have found RfM because I was curious, and maybe I would have even hung around for awhile. But it was because the LDS church directly affected us that I stayed on that site for such a long time… and if I hadn’t done that, it’s unlikely that we would have had last night’s experience. And while I don’t know if we’ll have the opportunity to mingle with Eric and Kathy again, it really was a pleasure meeting them and experiencing that side of Frankfurt together!

Even if I had never met Bill, my life has been unexpectedly touched by Mormonism. I knew a LDS couple in Armenia, as they were part of my Peace Corps group. They were the first Mormons I ever got to know well. And then my mom’s alma mater, Southern Seminary in Buena Vista, Virginia, was purchased by LDS businesspeople, who turned it into a Mormon influenced university. The influx of Mormons has changed Buena Vista and Rockbridge County, which happens to be where both of my parents grew up. And then I went on to marry a Latter-day Saint, who then resigned… but still has ties to the church because of his daughters.

Anyway… we really enjoyed last night. I even suggested Frank Scaheffer, one of my favorite authors, to Eric and Kathy. I think they could really relate to his story. Schaeffer was raised by famous American evangelical missionaries in Switzerland. He didn’t learn to read until he was about eleven years old and was groomed to take over his parents’ ministry. Instead, he became an atheist and best selling author and filmmaker. He’s written wonderful novels, but he’s also written some excellent non-fiction books.

Frank Schaeffer also has a son who joined the Marines, a world that was totally foreign to Schaeffer. He wrote some excellent books about that experience and changed his mind about the military. Kathy had also lamented her son’s decision to join the military, but then came to accept it, as Frank Schaeffer did with his son.

I discovered Schaeffer about twenty years ago, when I used to hang out on a messageboard for people who had attended (and many had been expelled from) Pensacola Christian College, an extremely conservative Christian college in Florida. It’s so strict it makes Bob Jones University look liberal. I found some of the posters there surprisingly well read and brave. One of the posters mentioned Schaeffer, and how his novels were the only ones he’d found that really got the experience of growing up fundie right. I’m not sure if that observation is still true, but I was curious enough to read Schaeffer’s trilogy of novels about Calvin Becker– clearly based on his real life experiences in Switzerland. They were funny and poignant, and I became a fan.

I do love it when we can make connections offline with people we meet on the Internet. I’m really glad we took a chance, and met the couple behind the legendary RfM messageboard. It’s mind boggling how many people RfM has helped, and lives Eric has helped improve, by starting that resource. I am very grateful for that, and for last night’s amazing fellowship!

Well… that about does it for today’s post. I’m not sure what we’ll do today. The wine festival is going on, but we’re just as likely to stay home and enjoy a nice afternoon in our backyard. Or maybe we’ll hit a Biergarten… or do something else. It’s so nice to have Bill home again.

Edited to add: I forgot to mention this earlier in the post, but we did see some crazy pedestrian stunts yesterday. One guy was juggling in the middle of a busy intersection while we were waiting for a light. A woman was in an adjacent intersection hula hooping. They were no doubt hoping for tips.

Then, on the way out of Frankfurt, Bill got stressed out trying to navigate the city. A strung out looking woman appeared to be kicked out of a cab in the middle of the street. She lingered in traffic, motioning to Bill, as if she wanted money. The top was down on the Mini, and I found myself yelling “Get out of the way!” at her… Thankfully, she heeded my command! Bill guesses she didn’t have enough money to pay for the cab ride and was hoping to raise some euros. Hope she didn’t get hit by a car.