advice, anecdotes

"Do not take drugs and go whoring."

A friend posted this on Facebook today…

I’ve never had a particular desire to visit China.  I don’t know why.  The Far East has never held that much fascination for me, though.  I think it’s because it just seems so crowded.  I did almost take a job teaching English in Korea back in the 1990s, but I ultimately decided not to take the position when I started wondering how I was going to be able to pay my student loans.

In retrospect, maybe I should have tried to make it work, though I’m not sure I would have enjoyed Korea that much.  I would have stuck out like a sore thumb.  Of course, I stick out like a sore thumb in America, too.  I think maybe at that time, I was just too overwhelmed to use my problem solving skills.  I got the offer not long after I had returned home from my Peace Corps stint in Armenia and was sort of in bad shape emotionally speaking.

Nevertheless, when I see funny signs like the one above, I have to wonder what I might discover in the Far East.  Even when I have purchased electronics from countries like China, Japan, or Taiwan, I have run across some really funny translations by people who obviously know English, but maybe aren’t all that familiar with idioms.

For instance, several years ago, I purchased a Hitachi Magic Wand.  Don’t judge.  Bill was deployed at the time and I had certain “needs” that needed attending to.  The funny thing about the Magic Wand is that in the United States, it’s well-known as a vibrator to be used for sensual purposes.  Apparently in the Far East, it was not intended to be used that way… or at least it wasn’t marketed that way.  If you look at the packaging or the instructions within, you will find no indication that it’s commonly used as a vibrator, even though you can buy “attachments” for it that are obviously to be used for sexual fun.

I ended up reviewing the Magic Wand on Epinions.  In my review, I included the following, which was in the instructions.

You’ll want to use your massager on your shoulders, arms, back muscles, and legs. It’s not for your chest and certainly not for use around you [sic] thyroid gland (just below the Adam’s Apple)…

The rated maximum continuous use of your massager is 25 minutes. That’s really long enough. Should you wish to use it longer, turn it off and wait about 30 minutes before using it again…

Don’t turn the vibrating head by hand or press it tightly to your body. You could bend the head-supporter, and heavy pressure does not produce a stronger massaging effect anyway…

Never drop or insert any object into any opening.


For the record, the Hitachi Magic Wand didn’t impress me and I didn’t give it high ratings.  You can read my review in its entirety on my main blog.  There’s nothing dirty in that particular post.  I used to have it on my sex blog.  Actually, there’s little dirty in the blog itself.  I started it because I wanted to have a place to write my kinky fiction.  When Epinions bit the dust, I re-posted some of the reviews I wrote about sexy things.  Maybe later today, I’ll continue the next chapter in the one fictional work I have going there.  I don’t think posting the story in a blogging format is working too well for me, but I feel compelled to finish (ETA: It’s not working).

Funny thing about that Hitachi Wand review, too.  It made me a lot of money.  Unfortunately, it also got me a few uninvited correspondents who would hit me up on Yahoo! Messenger.  I guess they figured that since I wrote in the review that Bill was deployed, I might be looking for “play”.  The instant messages and emails went on for a few years and finally died off sometime around 2010 or 2011.

Anyway, I am intrigued by the bluntness of instructions in the Far East.  Maybe Bill and I should go there and check it out.


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