Tag Archives: weird signs

customs, Hessen, Humor, Military

It was that time again… driver’s chores and informal newsy signs!

This morning, Bill had to take me on post to get a new driver’s “license”. Actually, it’s not a license; it’s a special permit given to Americans living in Germany, courtesy of the US military. My Texas driver’s license is my real license, but I also have to get a card from the military, which grants me the right to drive in Germany. When we go to other European countries, technically, we’re supposed to have an international driver’s permit.

I don’t know what we’re going to do if we stay here for much longer, because once my Texas license expires, I’ll have to renew it in person. And that will mean somehow establishing a residence there, when we live here… I think it might be time to trade the Texas license for a German one, or move back home. Or maybe do what a lot of contractors and their spouses do, and just drive on an expired license, which is risky, because it’s illegal. I remember back in 2015, there was a huge fiasco when German cops cracked down on American drivers with expired licenses. It did eventually get worked out, but this is a problem that a lot of folks like us eventually have to confront, if we stay in Germany.

Personally, I think we should just get German licenses. Since we have Texas licenses, we can just exchange them. But Bill worries about doing that, because anytime one does something official in Germany, it puts one on the government’s radar, and that could threaten our status as non German tax paying “temporary” residents. But I don’t see how getting a proper driver’s license is any worse than putting a child in a local school, which a lot of military folks do. I myself went to a British kindergarten, when my dad was serving his final years in the Air Force and we lived in England.

Anyway… today was the day to get a renewal, and due to Bill’s busy work schedule, we had to go today, which is a “walk-in” day. It’s lucky that we got there when we did, because there was a huge influx of people in the few minutes we waited. We were lucky enough to score chairs to sit on. While we were waiting, I was reminded of how much the military loves signs… and I couldn’t help but take a few photos of the ones posted in the building we visited to take care of today’s chore. I know I’ve written about this topic before, but I figured today was a good day for a reminder. Some of these signs are especially “newsy” (and some are reruns from the earlier post)!

Behold!

I actually wish I had this poster at home.
I was confused by this… but Bill explained it was a relic from the COVID era. It made me think of condoms.
I liked how the person who made this sign mentioned “common sense.” Yep, that can be lacking in some places.
I wonder how many people take this initiative to heart as they wash their hands.
A good reminder for public health.
Another newsy sign that made me guffaw.
Loose lips sink ships!
They are “totally understaffed”!
A rare multilingual sign. On the other side of the door, there is a sign that says “WOMAN”, as opposed to “WOMEN”.
Another newsy sign!

We saw the same guy who helped us the last time we renewed (in August 2019), but we were actually served by a different guy, who wore a Hawaiian shirt. Apparently, the office is “totally understaffed” right now… You can read all about it in the newsy sign requesting that people make appointments instead of walking in. We would have obliged, but Bill’s office is also “totally understaffed”. After filling out the paperwork, taking a quick eye test, and handing over $30 (up from $20 five years ago), we were all done. The line for licenses had gotten longer while we were taking care of business.

After we took care of renewing my USAREUR license, we headed back to the car, and I was reminded of how I’ve been in this system for most of my life. It occurred to me just how many military installations I’ve been on, due to the fact that my dad was a career Air Force officer, and my husband was a career Army officer, and now he works for the Army. It wasn’t my plan to be in this military life… but yet, here I am… a lifelong “dependent” (I refuse to refer to myself as a “dependa”, because that term is offensive.)

It also occurred to me how attracted I am to men in uniforms… There were quite a few handsome young guys standing in line, looking quite “hot” in their OCPs. The ladies also looked good. It made me miss the days when Bill wore a uniform to work every day. Hubba hubba!

I don’t even drive very often anymore, even though I have a car. I don’t see the point in going somewhere just for the hell of it. But I do need the legal license, because when we get back from our vacation, I have to take Charlie to the vet for a heartworm test, since he came from Kosovo. We want to make sure he wasn’t infested down there before we have him anesthetized for a much needed dental cleaning.

Yesterday, our neighbors brought over some cake for us, because that’s a tradition among some Germans on the first day of school. You make a cake, and share it with neighbors. I actually only heard of that tradition when this particular neighbor brought it up a couple of years ago. Anyway, it was nice of her! We had it for breakfast this morning.

Well… I think today, I will take care of a few routine chores, so I don’t have to worry about them tomorrow, before we jet off to Iceland. So ends today’s blog post! The next one will probably be written from an island in the northern Atlantic!

Standard
anecdotes

No lifeguard on duty!

This morning, one of Bill’s friends posted a picture of their cute little girls enjoying an indoor swimming pool.  The girls are absolutely adorable, so they alone should have been enough to capture my attention.  What I actually noticed first, though, were the walls around the pool.  I could only see two of them, but they were heavily adorned with huge warning signs.

The first sign says in huge, bold letters:

WARNING: NO LIFEGUARD ON DUTY.  No swimming alone.  Children under 14 years of age and non-swimmers shall not use the pool unless accompanied by a responsible adult.

The next sign says…

MAXIMUM POOL BATHER LOAD 15.

Another sign says…

WARNING!  NO DIVING!  

I’m sure the “no diving” sign is posted because the water is probably only four feet deep or so…  It’s hard to find an “old school” deep pool in America anymore.  Luckily, they are everywhere in Europe.

Easily visible in the photo, there is also a long list of pool rules in type too small for me to make out, but I guess they cover everything not already covered in the big signs.  I see another sign that looks like a crude picture of food and beverage crossed out.

Now, had Bill and I not recently gone swimming alone in an Austrian beer pool, maybe these signs wouldn’t seem so over the top to me.  When I lived in the United States, I saw these kinds of anti-litigation signs everywhere and never thought much of them.  Now that I live in Europe again and have walked along the sides of ponds with no protective fencing and observed children walking and riding their bikes alone in our neighborhood, the signs seem strange.  At some point, Americans surrendered their common sense and businesses and insurance companies became hyperaware of the need for warnings.  Seems like this wasn’t the case when I was growing up in the 70s and 80s.

Before anyone mentions it, I don’t think Stella Liebeck, the lady who spilled hot coffee from McDonald’s, is necessarily to blame for this hyperwarning society we have right now.  For one thing, Stella Liebeck was well within her rights to sue McDonald’s.  They sold her coffee that was way hotter than the industry standard.  Yes, she stupidly put it between her thighs so she could add cream and sugar, but the coffee was so hot that it gave her serious burns that affected her for the rest of her life.  Moreover, she had originally only asked McDonald’s for about $10,000 to cover her medical bills.  They offered $800.  She sued and a jury awarded her big money, most of which she never got.

On the other hand, it does seem like since the big 90s era McDonald’s hot coffee case, Americans have gotten a lot more interested in disclaimers that cover every possible scenario that could come up and lead to a lawsuit.  I would expect a similar attitude in Germany, where people seem similarly prone to litigation.  And yet, when I go swimming at the Mineraltherme, I don’t see humongous signs posted warning about what’s not allowed or what could happen while floating in the pools full of many peeing patrons and face suckers (sorry, but it’s the truth).  I don’t even see signs warning me that I might see nudity, not that that’s dangerous per se, but what will the children think?  ðŸ˜‰

I contrast the sight of those signs in the American pool with what was on the walls at the Starkenberger Beer Pools in Austria.  There, we saw many murals, many of which were very bawdy and probably not suitable for audiences under age 13.  Bill and I were left alone to bathe to our hearts’ content, drinking as much beer as we wanted.  There were no lifeguards on duty and no one was there to check our ages or tell us not to dive.  Fortunately, we were smart enough to survive the experience.  I’m proud to say that we lived by our wits that night!  And what memories we have!  It was one of the most fabulous evenings we’ve had since our move back to Europe.

The only sign at the Starkenberger Beer Pool…

A magical experience!

I wonder if those signs really do prevent drownings or other tragedies…  Somehow, I doubt it.  What they do is make it somewhat harder for people to be sued.  At the same time, they also kind of curb the ambiance and remind everyone that there are dumb people out there who have to be explicitly warned not to do dumb things.  It’s a little depressing.  I’m a big fan of Darwinism, but that’s probably because I’m nobody’s mother.

I have spent the whole holiday weekend holed up at home.  Perhaps later today, we will go out and try a new restaurant.  But for now, I will think about how lucky I was to get to swim in beer with no lifeguard on duty and no warning signs protecting me from my own negligence.

Standard
anecdotes

"Do not take drugs and go whoring."

A friend posted this on Facebook today…

I’ve never had a particular desire to visit China.  I don’t know why.  The Far East has never held that much fascination for me, though.  I think it’s because it just seems so crowded.  I did almost take a job teaching English in Korea back in the 1990s, but I ultimately decided not to take the position when I started wondering how I was going to be able to pay my student loans.

In retrospect, maybe I should have tried to make it work, though I’m not sure I would have enjoyed Korea that much.  I would have stuck out like a sore thumb.  Of course, I stick out like a sore thumb in America, too.  I think maybe at that time, I was just too overwhelmed to use my problem solving skills.  I got the offer not long after I had returned home from my Peace Corps stint in Armenia and was sort of in bad shape emotionally speaking.

Nevertheless, when I see funny signs like the one above, I have to wonder what I might discover in the Far East.  Even when I have purchased electronics from countries like China, Japan, or Taiwan, I have run across some really funny translations by people who obviously know English, but maybe aren’t all that familiar with idioms.

For instance, several years ago, I purchased a Hitachi Magic Wand.  Don’t judge.  Bill was deployed at the time and I had certain “needs” that needed attending to.  The funny thing about the Magic Wand is that in the United States, it’s well-known as a vibrator to be used for sensual purposes.  Apparently in the Far East, it was not intended to be used that way… or at least it wasn’t marketed that way.  If you look at the packaging or the instructions within, you will find no indication that it’s commonly used as a vibrator, even though you can buy “attachments” for it that are obviously to be used for sexual fun.

I ended up reviewing the Magic Wand on Epinions.  In my review, I included the following, which was in the instructions.

You’ll want to use your massager on your shoulders, arms, back muscles, and legs. It’s not for your chest and certainly not for use around you [sic] thyroid gland (just below the Adam’s Apple)…

The rated maximum continuous use of your massager is 25 minutes. That’s really long enough. Should you wish to use it longer, turn it off and wait about 30 minutes before using it again…

Don’t turn the vibrating head by hand or press it tightly to your body. You could bend the head-supporter, and heavy pressure does not produce a stronger massaging effect anyway…

Never drop or insert any object into any opening.

 

For the record, the Hitachi Magic Wand didn’t impress me and I didn’t give it high ratings.  You can read my review in its entirety on my main blog.  There’s nothing dirty in that particular post.  I used to have it on my sex blog.  Actually, there’s little dirty in the blog itself.  I started it because I wanted to have a place to write my kinky fiction.  When Epinions bit the dust, I re-posted some of the reviews I wrote about sexy things.  Maybe later today, I’ll continue the next chapter in the one fictional work I have going there.  I don’t think posting the story in a blogging format is working too well for me, but I feel compelled to finish (ETA: It’s not working).

Funny thing about that Hitachi Wand review, too.  It made me a lot of money.  Unfortunately, it also got me a few uninvited correspondents who would hit me up on Yahoo! Messenger.  I guess they figured that since I wrote in the review that Bill was deployed, I might be looking for “play”.  The instant messages and emails went on for a few years and finally died off sometime around 2010 or 2011.

Anyway, I am intrigued by the bluntness of instructions in the Far East.  Maybe Bill and I should go there and check it out.


Standard