Buying German food products for the “yuks”…

That’s right. “Yuks”. As in, laughing your ass off. I think we could all could use some more “yuks”, right?

Yesterday, while I was binge watching murder porn on Snapped, Bill came into our bedroom with a shelf stable container of oat milk. He likes to use animal free products sometimes because he’s a healthier person than I am on many levels. He said he bought the oat milk because of the label. Behold…

Bill and I have both noticed that while Germany has rules against “Beleidigung, that is, insulting people (especially people in authority like cops and politicians), they have no compunction about using English swear words in everyday language. For instance, one can be listening to an American pop song on the radio and if there are f bombs in it, you will hear them in all of their profane glory. Same thing with announcers on the radio, who regularly refer to “shitstorms”.

Personally, I’m alright with the profanity. I’m not a big believer in “bad words”, anyway. I really don’t think there is such a thing. Every word, in my opinion, is neutral. It’s the intent behind them that makes saying them good or bad. For instance, as a former English major at Longwood University, I took courses in African-American literature and Women’s literature. Both courses included slave narratives in which a certain taboo racist epithet was used repeatedly.

Was I offended? No, not really. That word was part of the lexicon at the time and the books would have lost their power without them. I was offended by the brutality of the way slaves were treated in those stories and the fact that their true stories are a shameful part of history. But the use of the n-word in those books is necessary. Same as it’s necessary in certain musical pieces, like Stevie Wonder’s “Living for the City”, and even in certain 70s and 80s era sitcoms, in which racism was a topic that was tackled. The word is used to convey the extent of the contempt and racism of those times. Taking it out would lessen the impact of the pieces.

Because of that– and because I love language and all its quirks– I don’t believe in “bad words”. I don’t think they should be used as weapons. I think people should be judicious in how they use their language. But I’m not a fan of “banning” any specific words… and, as we can see from the above label, even “bad” words can mean different things to different people. I know many Americans who would blush seven shades of red at simply reading that label. They sure as hell wouldn’t have bought the product! But my husband bought it because of the words “fucking” and “bullshit”. He knew that I would get a big kick out of them.

The words “fucking” and “bullshit” don’t have the same impact in Germany as they do in America, just like the words “cunt” and “fag” don’t mean the same to Brits as they do to us Yanks. Hell, until very recently, there was an old village in Austria called Fucking. I should know, because Bill and I visited. We also visited Fuckersberg, Austria, because we’re nerds like that. Fucking recently changed its name after hundreds of years of being known as “Fucking”. Why? Because Americans kept stealing their road signs and doing things like having sex under the the signs. What a shame. Typical Americans ruining things for everybody.

Sigh… I really miss traveling. I look forward to the day when I can write a post on my travel blog that is actually about travel. But, for now, I will continue to get a big kick out of “fucking good Oatmilk” that makes “sexy Milchkaffee”. Except I don’t think I could bring myself to try oat milk… so maybe not. Bill is calling me to breakfast, so off I pop. Have a great Valentine’s Day!


Sweet and sour coffee…

This morning, my husband Bill left to spend the next 18 days working in another location.  As is his habit before he goes on business trips, he stocked up the groceries for me.  Yes, I know that’s crazy… he takes very good care of me.  He enjoys it and I enjoy it.

Bill noticed that the sugar was getting low.  He forgot to buy sugar at the commissary, so he went to our neighborhood Rewe to pick some up for me.  You would think this would be an easy task.  How hard is it to buy sugar?  Well, as it turns out, in Germany, it can be a real challenge, just as buying flour is a challenge for some, and buying chicken can be a downright disaster.  We have lived in Germany for a good while now… over four years this time, two years last time, plus Bill was in Bavaria in the 1980s.  But sometimes, we still make rookie mistakes.

Bill bought what he thought was sugar for baking cakes.  He put the sugar in the canister, apparently not noticing its “odd” appearance.  Then, this morning before he left to go TDY, he fixed me my usual cup of coffee.  At first, I didn’t really notice anything amiss.  But as I got closer to the bottom of the cup, I started to notice that the coffee tasted… strange.  I noticed some white stuff was clumped to the bottom, and some had floated to the top.  I thought maybe our half and half was getting old, or something.  The clumpy white stuff on the bottom of the cup reminded me of the Cremora non-dairy creamer my parents used to use in their cheap Maxwell House sludge.

I asked Bill what kind of coffee we were drinking.  He said it was Peets’ wonderful Haraz blend.  I was dismayed by that, since the Haraz is one of my favorites and the coffee just didn’t taste right.  It tasted sour to me.

It looks and tastes… strange.  It also doesn’t blend well.

Bill argued with me about the sugar, even after he pulled out a spoonful of it to show me.  It didn’t look like everyday granulated sugar.  Annoyed, he found half of a box of sugar cubes and directed me to use those.  What I will probably do is just go to the Rewe myself and buy the right sugar.  I am still capable of that much.

No… this is not the right sugar.

It contains pectin and other ingredients for making jams, jellies, and relishes.  You shouldn’t put it in coffee… especially exquisite reserve coffees.

Before he left, Bill brought me the bag and broke the news.  He had bought me sugar intended for making jams.  This is not the first time Bill has messed up my coffee.  In fact, very recently, he ruined my second cup of coffee by stirring it with a spoon he’d just used to mix ricotta cheese and fish oil for our dogs.  The tiny bit of fish oil residue left a very pervasive and disgusting taste…  Maybe I should put it on my food as a diet aid.

The simple solution, of course, would be for me to mix my own coffee or start drinking it black.  And I will be mixing my own coffee for most of March, since I will be without my love.  He likes taking care of me, though, and does an excellent job of it.  And he usually mixes my sugar and cream better than I do.  When I make my coffee, I only put in one spoon of sugar because I want to be disciplined, even though I prefer two spoons.  Bill always gives me two spoons.

Anyway, I’m sharing this cute story for my readers in Germany who shop on the economy.  When you’re buying staples, take a minute to make sure you get the right stuff.  Sweet and sour coffee is not so good.