nonverbal communication – The Traveling Overeducated Housewife

Yeah… the AI picture is pretty much what it looked like.

Bill and I have now spent over half our marriage living in Germany. He spent three years here as a young lieutenant in the 1980s. Then, we moved here in 2007 for two more years. Then, we came back in 2014, and have been living in Germany ever since. We’ve also visited Germany on vacations, when we weren’t living here.

The one thing I don’t think I’ll ever get used to is the German “stare”. It’s a phenomenon I’ve experienced more times than I could ever count.

The German stare isn’t like your garden variety stare. It’s a certain look of disapproval. Sometimes it’s subtle, like a quiet side eye. Sometimes, it’s very obvious. Sometimes it’s silent. Sometimes it’s delivered with a stern dressing down.

It always amazes me that some people feel perfectly fine about conspicuously staring at what other people are doing, looking on in disdain, or even feeling like they have the right to “speak” to a perfect stranger who is just going about their business and wants to be left alone. But this this is a fact of life in Germany… which doesn’t mean I dislike living here. It’s just something I feel like writing about today, as I wait for the laundry to finish drying.

I’m prompted to write about the German stare this morning because of something that happened yesterday, as I was walking Noyzi and Charlie. If you follow my other blog, you might know that yesterday’s post was a song parody. And while the song parody is basically just an old pop song with new lyrics about Trump’s flatulence, it still took me awhile to create it and turn it into a video.

I make music videos for fun, and as a way to express myself creatively. Sometimes, I actually feel compelled to write song parodies. They help me cope. But they take a lot of work, and significant time, and because of that, yesterday, I was walking the dogs later in the morning.

The Dorfplatz was busier than usual, as the dogs and I walked down the hill from Am Rathaus. Several people were sitting there, enjoying our town’s central meeting spot. There was a woman with a small child, another woman with a baby in a pram, and an elderly lady with a cane. I walked past them on my normal 15 minute route.

Less than a minute after we passed the ladies in the Dorfplatz, Noyzi suddenly decided to crouch in “dump” position. He dropped a big pile of crap on the side of the street.

As Noyzi was pooping, a man in a black SUV was approaching in the opposite direction. He obviously noticed Noyzi’s activity and STOPPED his car to rubberneck. I glared at him as I pulled a bright red shit bag out of my pocket, so I could clean up the pile of excrement.

As I opened the bag and bent over to pick up Noyzi’s deposit, the man sped off. Meanwhile, the elderly lady who had been in the Dorfplatz started yelling something at me. I could tell she was talking about the dogs, and it sounded like she was asking a question.

Unfortunately for her, I was in no mood for chatter, and I suspected she was concerned about having to share the sidewalk with us. I quickly picked up the poop and scurried off ahead of her. I didn’t want to cross the street or hinder, or be hindered, by her.

On the way back through the Dorfplatz, I dropped the sack of crap into a public trashcan. The walk was soon completed, and I temporarily put the incident out of my mind.

While I was chatting with Bill after dinner last night, I decided to do a Google search to see if other people had posted about this phenomenon… the German stare… which I definitely received from the guy in the SUV. I typed the following search string:

“german stopped his car when my dog pooped”

Google now has AI in its search bar, and my query prompted AI to give me an answer. I have to admit, it was an amusing exchange:

*Well… yeah, nobody likes to step in dog poop. But why would you automatically take it upon yourself to police a total stranger? Especially when you’re driving?*

I was intrigued by this exchange with AI, so I responded again.

“he moved on when I pulled out a bag and gave him a dirty look”

Yeah… but why did he feel like it was right and proper to just stop in the middle of the street, perhaps inconveniencing other people? Was it really that earth shattering to make sure I cleaned up after Noyzi?

And what if I didn’t clean up the mess? Was he going to get out of the car and yell at me? Would he roll down the window and chastise me? Call the Polizei, maybe? Obviously, what I was doing was VERY important to this dude. But to me, his sudden attention was creepy, weird, and most unwelcome.

I responded again with this:

“It was silent.”

AI gratified me by reassuring me that I did the right thing…

*He didn’t “force” me to do anything, though. It’s my habit to clean up my dogs’ messes. He prompted me to look at him with extreme irritation.*

I gave AI another response:

“I live in Germany.”

AI made another response, full of assumptions about the conditions of my life here.

They aren’t “trying” to be rude, but it IS kind of rude to assume someone might not clean up after their dogs. On the other hand, I have seen plenty of evidence that a lot of people don’t clean up their dogs’ shit. 🤷‍♀️

I ended the “chat” with AI with this:

“it definitely wasn’t my first time being stared at.”

AI, once again, complimented and edified me, congratulating me on my “thick skin”. Yeah, my skin is thick with adipose, but I’ll always find the “German stare” impolite and annoying… and I will respond accordingly, because I’m childish that way…

*Again, another assumption. I don’t think I’ll ever “get used to” the monitoring. I do find it irritating. But I understand that’s just how life is here, and I’ll never change it.*

At that point, I decided I was bored with my exchange with Google AI about cleaning up dog shit. However, that exchange made me realize why some people see AI as a friend they’ve never had. It’s weird to be having that kind of an exchange with my computer, with it reassuring me and teaching me about a place I’ve lived in for years, now. AI could be your best friend or worst enemy, I suppose.

I often think back on my life and realize that when I was born, The Brady Bunch was still in its first prime time run on ABC. Now, in my 54th year of life, I’m having conversations with artificial intelligence on my iPad, and it’s telling me about German laws.

As the man in the 90s used to sing, “How Bizarre!”

I guess this dates me, too…

Also… Facebook memories tells me that this same thing happened on September 1 five years ago…

*Yup. Maybe it’s a seasonal thing. I do remember, in this case, taking my time cleaning it up, so she’d be forced to linger longer. What can I say? Sometimes, I’m pretty petty.* 😈

Ah well… maybe today’s walk will be less obnoxious. On the way back home, I had to wait for several cars to pass before I could cross the street. And this is in our little village, which has no stop lights. But at least no one showed me their penis. So that’s a plus…

I took the featured photo a couple of weeks ago, while passing one of the many beautiful gardens in my neighborhood.

It’s finally Friday, which means Bill will be coming home from his latest trip tomorrow. I would have liked to have gone with him to Spain for the past week or so, but it’s probably better that I didn’t. This particular business trip has been very busy for him. He has said that he’s made a few new Spanish military friends, though, which is nice to hear.

A few more photos from my neighbor’s garden…

Last night, while we were chatting, I told Bill about a sweet moment I experienced yesterday, while walking the dogs. If you are a regular reader of the travel blog, you might remember that back in March, I had an upsetting encounter with students at a school near our home. At the time, I didn’t realize that the old elementary school in our neighborhood had been turned into a school for kids with special needs.

On that day, I was walking Noyzi and Charlie, and ran into a group of kids coming down a narrow little “Weg” near the school and our house. I was on my way up, and they were on their way down. Unbeknownst to me, there was a girl in that group who was deathly afraid of dogs. One of the kids had said something to me, but I couldn’t hear or understand him.

I kept walking, and they all started screaming at me. I got really angry and screamed back in English, which shocked them into silence. Then their teacher explained and apologized. It was awkward, and I was really rattled afterwards.

Well… almost three months have since passed since that encounter, and I’ve mostly avoided any other altercations with the kids at the school. Then yesterday, as I was walking back toward the “Weg”, I heard a group of them walking down the street, headed toward our Dorfplatz.

Most days, I do a loop from my house, down the hill, around the block next to the Dorfplatz. Then, I often walk back through the Dorfplatz on the other side and head back up the hill. At the top of the hill is the street where the school is, and where Bill and I live.

I was in kind of an irritated mood. There are a lot of cars near the Dorfplatz, and I had just dodged several of them, trying to walk the dogs. I also had to avoid cars passing as I bent down to clean up one of Noyzi’s large dumps. He had suddenly dropped a load on the side of the street. Noyzi was in the street, because we’d just had to navigate around a bunch of low slung posts, that, I guess, are meant to keep people from parking on the side of the Dorfplatz, but are a real pain to walk around with dogs on leashes. The leashes often get snagged on the posts.

When I saw and heard the group of kids headed for the school, I hung back, just in case any of them feared the dogs. The last thing I was in the mood for was being screamed at again by a bunch of youngsters with special needs.

Then, as I waited on the Dorfplatz, the group of kids started to cross the street. I noticed one of them, a boy of about twelve or so, had seen the dogs and me. He offered a sincere warm smile and a wave. I was immediately moved, so I smiled and waved back, and he smiled even bigger. 🥰

That brief moment really warmed my heart, and helped propel me back home with a boost of positive energy. I also immediately realized why some people love working with children who have special needs. Sometimes they can really surprise you with a pureness of heart and genuine innocence that is completely disarming.

I hadn’t realized how much I really needed that little mental boost, and the warm fuzzies that came with it. Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty fatigued with everything. I love Germany and I really appreciate living here, but sometimes I would kind of like to go “home”… Then I realize what’s currently going on at “home”, and conclude that I would rather stay here. 😬 Germany is wonderful, and in many ways, it does feel more like home than it used to, but sometimes I do miss being in my homeland… at least the way it used to be before the Trump invasion.

Lately, it’s been hard to stay optimistic… and I was pretty upset after that initial encounter with those kids in March, followed by the workman who brazenly showed me his “junk” while standing on my neighbor’s unfinished balcony. But that one warm smile from a friendly boy in a group of youngsters was like a balm for lonely old me…

That young lad doesn’t know it, but he really brightened my day. ♥️. A warm smile and a wave from a stranger can be like a precious gift sometimes. It definitely helped me dispel some of my recent cynicism about life.

Incidentally, here are a few photos I took on a walk I took on the longer route, the other day… I noticed some of my neighbors are doing some beautification projects– painting and remodeling and such.

Well, tomorrow afternoon, Bill will finally be home at last. I look forward to seeing him. Being home alone for over a week, with no one to talk to, is hard sometimes. But, at least I have my dogs, even though they drop stinky loads on the street that I have to clean up while dodging cars. 😏

The Traveling Overeducated Housewife

…the wanderings and ramblings of a boring housewife…

Tag Archives: nonverbal communication

AI teaches me about the German stare… Soziale Kontrolle…

A sweet moment on yesterday’s walk…