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The ballad of the Swiss vignette…

Sung to the Gilligan’s Island theme song… (although I’m sure a lot of you younguns don’t know about Gilligan’s Island…)

Just sit right back and you’ll read a tale,
A tale of a stressful jaunt.
With traffic backed up horribly,
Upon the Autobahn.

The driver was a contractor,
His wife by his side long haul.
The two passengers set off that day
For a trip to the mall. (A trip to the mall)

The traffic started getting slow,
The Mini Coop was tossed,
If not for the patience of fearless Bill
The Mini would be lost, the Mini would be lost.

The car crawled down the Autobahn, like every other schmuck
Seemed every German
near Stuttgart
Was similarly stuck.

So this is the tale of our hapless crew,
In traffic for a long, long time,
They’ll have to make the best of things,
It’s an uphill climb.

The cranky wife and her husband too,
Must do their very best,
To make themselves less miserable,
In that highway mess.

No exits, no shade, no pretty lakes
Just endless lights from brakes,
A Stau from Hell it sure was,
Obnoxious enough to cuss.

So join us here in an hour my friend,
We’re sure to still be there,
Just two unlucky motorists,
Hurrying to get nowhere!

This Stau sucked!

Today’s creative opening comes courtesy of the two hour odyssey Bill and I suffered today on our quest to buy Swiss vignettes at the ADAC store in Sindelfingen’s Brueningerland.  Ordinarily, the trip to that mall takes maybe a half hour from where we live, down here on the edge of the Black Forest (with all the other nuts).  Today, I swear to God, it took about two hours.

The trip started off innocently enough.  We had beautiful weather.  I was giving some thought to visiting somewhere pretty and/or cool, where we could walk around, have a nice lunch, take pictures, and go home.  But then I realized that in two weeks, we’ll be driving through Switzerland.  So I told Bill that maybe we should go to the ADAC store in Sindelfingen to pick up 2018 Swiss vignettes.

We really should have just gone to the damn Swiss border!  Or, barring that, we should have just ordered them and had them mailed.  These stickers are good from December 1, 2017 until January 31, 2019.

My original plan was to go to the Swiss border itself.  In retrospect, that probably would have taken us less time.  But at about noon today, we still didn’t know that there had been some kind of big accident on the Autobahn.  We were blissfully ignorant of what lie ahead on that stretch of treacherous highway.  So off we went north, the top down, Van Morrison blaring on the stereo.  We got up to just beyond the Ehningen exit when traffic slowed to a crawl.

Bill checked the GPS and didn’t see any reason why we should be held up, but we sure as hell were.  The traffic was absolutely horrible.  It turned out the police had shut down the part of the road that goes through Sindelfingen, so everyone had to detour off of exit 23.  It was a nightmare.  By the time we got to the mall, it was about 2:00.  I was decidedly cranky and hangry as we parked and went inside the surprisingly cool shopping mall, which, for once wasn’t a madhouse.

The wait at ADAC was also blessedly short.  In fact, we had no wait there at all.  We bought two vignettes at a cost of 71,50 euros.  Then, we went searching for food.  For some reason, I’m always at Breuningerland when I’m hungry.  I get very irritable when I’m hungry.  Bill was pretty funny, because he could see how tense I was.  As I eyed the menu at Nordsee, he said, “Isn’t there a restaurant up on the top floor that has wine?”

“Why?” I asked him.  “Do you think I need wine?”

“Clearly.” he said, nodding.  We made our way to the top level and went searching for a place to have a late lunch… later than I would have wanted it, anyway.

Actually, we ended up having lunch at Miyo, which is an Asian “Soul Food” place.  They have a sushi bar, which was packed today.  I didn’t have the patience for that, so we went to the main counter and ordered a chicken Satay with peanut sauce for Bill and a Mandarin sweet and sour duck dish for me.  You order at the counter and they give you your drink and bring the food out to you.

The chicken came with a rich peanut sauce, which I loved.  The vegetables were nice, too.  The rice was both dry and sticky, though.  It was stuck together in clumps, yet kind of had a dryness, as if it had been sitting awhile.  I’m not sure how they managed that.  Business was steady today.

My duck was crispy, but came with sweet and sour sauce, pineapples, bamboo, carrots, and red peppers.  Bill said that after a couple of bites, the color came back into my cheeks.  We washed this down with Erdinger weizens.

 

Miyo wasn’t a bad place to have lunch, although I’ve had better Asian food.  It did the trick in wiping the scowl off my face.  I felt remarkably better after I got rid of my hanger.

Then, Bill said, “Hey, do you think we should go get some tequila?”

I said sure to that, so we went to the Edeka on the first level of the mall.  We picked up bottles of gin and tequila– the gin is for Bill and the tequila is for me.  We also bought some rather sickly looking limes and some chocolate.  You know, the essentials…

Tequila, limes, gin, and chocolate…

I managed to resist the troughs of Nutella…

And the “shots” obviously meant for horny 20 year olds who want to get drunk.  They probably taste great, though.

 

By four o’clock, we were ready to head home.  I was relieved to see that traffic was flowing southbound.  But the northbound side was still shut down, a good three hours after we first got caught in the Stau.  Whatever happened was clearly very serious.  Bill noted that it took us a lot less time to buy the vignettes, eat lunch, do a little shopping, and go home than it did to drive up A81 to get to the mall in the first place.

Many police officers and highway crew were still clearing the scene two hours after we arrived at the mall.

 

That Stau was no joke!

 

We’re both now exhausted.  This will probably be us tonight.  Hopefully tomorrow, we’ll go somewhere a little less irritating.

 

There is definitely a reason the Stuttgart area is nicknamed STAUgart.

Edited to add:  Here’s a translated news story about the cause of the Stau.

It’s not that fast. After at midday a scrap truck on the A 81 – at the height Breuningerland – had tipped over, the clean-up work continues. A tip to the drivers: Sindelfingen drive around.

The reason why the scene of the accident has not yet been cleared: Many small metal parts, which were scattered by the accident on the highway, must be picked up laboriously. The sharp-edged sheet metal remnants could otherwise lead to damage to cars and possibly subsequent accidents. According to the police, the motorway in the direction of Stuttgart is therefore likely to remain closed until around 18:15 / 18:45. You may be able to temporarily open a lane. Currently, traffic is being diverted at the motorway exit Böblingen / Sindelfngen. Traffic on the highway is currently jamming back to Ehingen. Also in Sindelfingen and partly also in Böblingen the roads are heavily encumbered by the motorway closure. Best, you bypass the area spacious.

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Good intentions and the Golden Arches…

I’m not really loving it, but it’s fast, cheap, and easy… 

I had every intention of trying out a new restaurant this afternoon.  Bill and I talked about it last night and he even did the research to see when it would be less crowded.  But then we got hung up with mundane Saturday chores.  First off, my dog repeatedly stealth pissed all over the inside doormat.  I guess he’s been sneaking down at night while we’re asleep and secretly unloading for a long while, because I suddenly smelled a strong essence of ammonia and noticed the thing was warped.  So we had to visit the local Real to get a new doormat and pick up a few other things.

I was actually surprised by a few items I found at the Real.  It’s always fun to see German style marketing at work.  But after visiting there, I felt kind of overwhelmed and tired.  I spend so much time alone that being in a crowded store on a Saturday is exhausting.  At least we found a brand new version of the old mat Arran whizzed all over.

Star Wars fans take note!  There’s a special drink for you!  Forty years after its debut, I still don’t think I’ve yet seen the whole film!

 

Nor have I tasted Duff beer, Homer Simpson’s favorite brew.

 

One enterprising German brewery is offering a free Beer Pong set with a rack of brews.  I would wonder about the quality of a beer that needs Beer Pong to help it sell.

 

Absolutely hideous…  jean style leggings.  Here, they’re called “Treggings” instead of “Jeggings”.  

 

And finally, here’s your ticket to getting buff.  I don’t think I wanna look like this guy, though.

Then we had to go to the dump to unload boxes and other assorted stuff.  That didn’t take long, but it did push us closer to the dreaded mid afternoon time span when things shut down.

After that was done, we went home and I changed into lighter clothes, since the temperature warmed up.  I put on a little makeup so I didn’t scare anyone.  Then we headed off to Sindelfingen for what I heard was great Turkish food.  Unfortunately, Bill missed the turn for the restaurant and had to do some fancy maneuvering to get to where he needed to go.  And then it was clear that parking was going to be more of a challenge than we wanted to deal with.

So we went to Breuningerland intent on having lunch there after we picked up a couple of vignettes for Switzerland.  There were people ahead of us, so I was looking at what they had for sale in the ADAC store.  Then a young couple reeking heavily of cigarette smoke came over and enthusiastically said something in German I didn’t understand.  Bill told the guy in German that we speak English, so he switched to perfect English and asked us where we were headed.  We told him we were going to Switzerland.  He said they were going to Austria, where they hoped the weather would be better.

We had sun when we walked into Breuningerland, looking for Swiss vignettes.

We looked for something to eat at the mall.  Truthfully, there are plenty of eateries there.  But it was very crowded with people and I was starting to feel overwhelmed.  I was also getting hungry.  When I get hungry, it’s not long before I turn hangry.  So we left the mall and Bill was trying to think of alternative places to go.  He suggested the Schwaben Galerie, which I am assuming would have been just as crowded.

I finally said, “You know what?  Just take me to McDonald’s.”

But the clouds were out as we headed to McDonald’s.  Maybe it was an omen.

Bill balked at first.  He hates McDonald’s.  I will admit, it’s not my favorite place to eat, either.  But I was in no mood to search for lunch.  My blood sugar was rapidly dropping and I was getting really testy.  So we went to McDonald’s, which was also packed.  I went outside and got us a table under one of the umbrellas.  Good thing I did, since it started raining.

I sat forlornly, waiting for Bill as the tables filled up.  I also watched some guy in a station wagon peeling out as if he was driving a Porsche.  He was about as cool as a heating pad.

Grumpily, I waited for Bill to get lunch and gazed at people passing by.  It seemed like the outside area was empty when I sat down, but it quickly filled up.  It seemed like everyone was staring at me, taking up a table, yet without any food in front of me.  After about twenty minutes, Bill appeared with our Royales… and he noticed the same couple we ran into at ADAC were also dining at Mickey D’s.  Actually, I think European McDonald’s are nicer than the ones in the States.  They have those McCafes, complete with real cups as opposed to paper products.

Well, at least at McDonald’s, you know what you’re gonna get.

I haven’t seen this movie, either… but I sure did have a Royale with cheese today.

 

I didn’t see McC, though.

After we were sufficiently fueled, we headed to Panzer, also totally mobbed with people.  The food court was overflowing with everybody and their brother.  I just wanted to pick up some face cream, but naturally, I ended up with a few more items.  At least Zane and Arran have new toys to play with!

Now I’m at home, digesting food from the Golden Arches and drinking one of Bill’s homebrewed chocolate stouts.  When I was a kid, I loved McDonald’s.  It was my favorite place to eat.  Now I’m not much of a fan, except when I’m desperate for food quickly and don’t want to have to think too much about what I’m eating.  I have a feeling we’ll make up for today’s restaurant fumble when we’re in Italy next weekend.  It’s hard to have a bad meal there, even if you’re eating at a truck stop.

Last night’s sky show.  I doubt we’ll see this tonight.

 Hopefully, tomorrow, we’ll be more successful on our outing.  But then, tomorrow is Mother’s Day and both years prior, we’ve ended up in crowds.  So we’ll see…

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